How To Tie Your Shoes Faster

Everyone who has been on the internet has probably seen a “life hack” one way or another.  If you don’t know what I am talking about, a life hack is a way to make your life easier with simple tricks.  An example of this is learning to tie your shoes in a faster way.  Now you’re probably thinking about how you already know how to tie your shoes and doing it slightly faster isn’t a big deal.  Well say that tying your shoes the normal way takes 5 seconds and the way I will show you only takes 3 seconds.  That is a difference of 2 seconds.  If you tie your shoes everyday for about 30 years because you have a job that sucks out your soul and somehow makes you tie your shoes everyday, that adds up to 6 hours!  When you’re on your deathbed you’ll be thinking, “Geepers, I wish I had 6 more hours of my life back from taking so long to tie those ding dang shoes.”  So here I am friend, here to help you save those 6 hours.  Those 6 extra hours to spend time with your future kids.  Those 6 extra hours to spend exploring the world.  Those 6 extra hours to spend contemplating whether or not to change your first name to “Bubba”.  Don’t worry, I won’t judge.  Bubba Garner never judges.  Anyway, here is how to tie your shoes faster.

First, start off with an untied shoe.

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Tie a normal knot.

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Hold both laces with your pinkies.

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Move one hand clockwise under the lace, and the other hand counter clockwise.

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It should end up like this.

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Then bring your hands together and pull the opposite lace with the other hand.

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Vuola, you just saved 6 hours of your life.

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How to be a successful rapper

Have you ever wanted to become a famous rapper? Well the guys who created this blog post were able to create a formula on how to do it. It was my life long dream to become a famous rapper and now I can, thanks to this post. I never realized just how easy it could be but poohbearshoney has shown me the light. Hallelujah! If you want to check out my mixtape my rapper name is Minnesota Sam, don’t ya know? These guys also do other wonderful blog posts on movie monsters and guacamole. I would highly recommend all their posts.

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How to be a successful rapper

Step 1: Want to be a poet  

Step 2: Have someone or multiple people call your poetry trash

Step 3: Let your life fall into a downward spiral (probably start drinking and smoking)

Step 4: Wallow in the anger, depression, and disappointment

Step 5: Write more poems but this time throw rhymes about how much money, women, drugs, etc. you have

Step 6:  Change your appearance get some new threads baggy jeans, sunglasses, hat, and most importantly gold chains. Also act really tough, look angry, or look extremely happy and or out of it.(if you know what I mean)

Step 7: Spit fire and proceed to spend your money on more baggy jeans, sunglasses, hats, alcohol, drugs, parties, cars, and again more gold chains.

Final step: Continue living your now successful rapper life until you overdose and die or get shot by…

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The Black Parade

“Life is for the living, death is for the dead, let life be like music, and death a note unsaid”- Langston Hughes. I know death is a pretty heavy subject, but I was recently asked what I think happens when we die.  And the truth is, I have no idea.  Whether we go to heaven or go into nothingness it’s something that’s going to happen eventually.  With all of the talk of racial discrimination, equality for women, and other such subjects, death is something everyone is equal in. It isn’t something to be taken lightly.  It is an idea that can consume people.  But there are people who say that they do not fear death.  I don’t think they are fully telling the truth.  Of course some people might be less afraid than others, but having no fear of it is almost impossible, it is ingrained in us to want to live.  Everything that we have from evolution was created to keep us alive.  All of the physical traits we have from our hands to our feet were to help us live.  But do you really think evolution is going to just stop at our physical traits and not affect our mind?  Of course not!  Our body is a tool and our brain is the user, if we had all the tools to stay alive but we didn’t have the mindset to want to stay that way then evolution wouldn’t be the smartest theories of the bunch now would it?  I think the only reason people might not be afraid to die is if they think they have nothing left to live for.  That there is no reason to keep on living.  That everything is meaningless.  And at the same time I think that those are the people that are consumed by it.  But even after everything I have said.  After talking about how death is something most people fear, I think we should try not to fear it.  I don’t think we should fear it because that’s not the way we should live, in fear.  Death is going to be the biggest event for you and everything that lives and breaths.  Even though everything in our body has programed us to hate the concept of our demise, it’s something we need to conquer and accept.  So here’s to the next stage after life.  To the grand spectacle after death.  To the black parade.

Put to Death by Chaos

Isn’t it interesting that we put people to death?  That we go back to our primal nature, the way we used to do things thousands of years ago.  People think that we are sophisticated, and we are, but sometimes we are no better than animals.  When things go wrong, we go back to our instincts.  We are suspicious and dangerous creatures.  But with that said, I am not necessarily saying that we should stop the death penalty, I just find the subject interesting.  I like looking at views on both sides.  When someone is in a position of being put to death, usually the only other option would be life in prison.  What some people don’t understand is that sometimes life in prison can be worse than being put to death.  Prison is an extremely dangerous place.  If a man is sentenced to life in prison, he will be living in constant fear of the other criminals around him.  He will have no way of defending himself unless he makes friends or is good at fighting muscular, dangerous, criminals.  Either way, absolutely atrocious things happen in prison.  You may think you’re being humane in not taking his life, but all you’re doing is picking what you believe to be the lesser of two evils.  There is no way to walk away with your hands clean with this type of case.  But you may be also thinking that you’re just one opinion, it can’t possibly have a large effect in a case like this, your hands are clean.  Whatever happens to this man is not your fault.  That’s not quite true.  Your opinion affects every single person you talk to, whether they are a friend or a family member, especially if they are your child.  Children are dangerous, their opinions aren’t defined yet, they don’t think as much for themselves and are not sure who they are.  They are directly molded by the opinions and actions of their parents and their peers.  I’ve heard that you will be exactly like your parents when you grow older unless you make a conscious effort not to be.  I think this is true to a certain to a degree.  If your child takes your opinion, they may start to have a stronger believe in it than you did and become active in voicing said opinion.  This is very much like chaos theory, or the butterfly effect.  

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Chaos theory is the mathematical study of change and how it is affected by initial conditions.  For example, a butterfly flapping its wings may lead to the events that create a hurricane.  So for this article, a man mentioning his views on the death penalty to his child can lead to that very law being changed.  But you begin to think the probability of something like that happening to you is insanely low, that it would never happen.  But it does happen.  It happens with every historical figure you learn about in history.  Did you ever think Martin Luther King Jr.’s father thought that his son would help revolutionize the way we view equality in America?  Did you think Frederick Douglass’s mother thought her son, that was a slave, would become an extremely profound and influential writer? Of course not!  These things just happen.  It’s unpredictable.  It’s chaos.

Modern Slavery

Unknown to many, modern slavery affects millions of individuals around the world on a daily basis.  Unfortunately, not just adults but children are affected as well.  Children are exposed to horrible conditions, are used in sex trafficking, and have to perform manual labor for most of their lives and do not get many of the luxuries that we get to take for granted.  An example of this was a boy named Seydou.  He, at the time my research, was a fifteen year old who lives in “the daara” spent his days waking up early in the morning to read the Koran and going out with a tin can to beg for food and money.  If he did not collect any food, he did not eat.  If he did not collect money, his Koran master would beat him.  After returning home from begging, he would study the Koran again for hours until he would go to sleep.  Compared to the slavery we learn about today in America about our own past, it has some similarities and differences.  To compare these, I will use the biography of Frederick Douglass who was a former slave in the 1800’s.  

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Interestingly, the slavery has a very high religious agenda compared to the slavery of Frederick Douglass.  In the article, Seydou has to study the Koran for hours at a time, “Seydou usually wakes up at 6am and spends and spends the first hour of the day studying the Koran . . . He then studies the Koran for another three hours . . .” and while in the times of Frederick Douglass the slaves and masters were religious, the religion was more used as an excuse to do as the master wishes.  In regard to one of Mr. Douglass’s former slave masters Mr. Covey, “Every thing he possessed in the shape of learning or religion, he made conform to his disposition to deceive.” and, “I do verily believe that he sometimes deceived himself into the solemn belief, that he was a sincere worshipper of the most high God.”  Another major difference between these two stories is that slaves in the time of Mr. Douglass were not able to learn how to read, slave masters wanted total utter physical and mental dominance over the slaves so that was one thing they did not allow the slaves to do.  If a slave were to be able to read, he would have knowledge and know how bad his position is, and this would be dangerous for a slave master.  As said on one occasion in Frederick Douglass’s biography, “The more I read, the more I was lead to abhor and detest my enslavers.”  But besides all of the differences between the slavery of modern day and of the time before, there are still many similarities.  In the story of Seydou and of Frederick Douglass, both had struggles with hunger and physical abuse.  In Seydou’s story like I said before, he spent much of his time begging, “Then, with an empty tin can, he goes from one house to another to beg for food for his breakfast . . . before going out at 8pm to beg for his dinner.” Both were also separated from their parents and not allowed to see them.  Slavery modern and old, is a terror that destroys the lives of people of all ages and is a problem.  It is one of the pests of history and a vermin that needs to be shoo’d away from history.

Walking into the Unknown

Booker has been blind for as long as he can remember.  He is currently twelve but has been blind since he was four.  In the beginning of his blindness Booker was extremely dependent on the people around him.  He would constantly be holding his mother’s hand, and never stray off too far away from her or his father.  But as he became older, Booker learned to become more independent.  As he became used to the blindness he learned ways to make things easier for himself and not need his parents to be constantly helping him.  Learning to use a walking cane was probably the most helpful thing he learned.  It allowed him to walk without literally being attached to his mother for assistance.  But because he doesn’t remember what it was like to have sight it makes things harder to deal with and understand.  Like how he doesn’t remember the color blue, or green.  He doesn’t remember what it was like to look into someone’s eyes.  If he meets or talks to someone new he can’t see their face.  This makes him unable to tell how the person is feeling.  He’s not able to tell if the person likes him or not, or whether they have any malicious content towards him.  This makes Booker a cautious and shy individual.  This makes Booker have to deal with the unknown on a daily basis.  

On a fateful day in December, Booker and his parents had just settled into a new home, far from where they lived before.  Booker didn’t know the name of the area, nor did he really care, all he knew was they were in an area with a lot of trees and mountains.  When his parents told him about it, Booker just sat there and listened.  You could cut the irony in the air with a knife.  Booker didn’t like moving to a new area.  It removed him from the familiarity of his old home.  He had to leave the friends he had come to trust, and the area he knew his way around.  Now he had to redo everything all over again.  But his parents reassured him he would be fine.

When Booker entered the home for the first time he put his right hand against the right wall and just moved forward.  He wanted to feel this new home since he couldn’t see it.  He wanted to memorize the layout of the home and how many steps it took to get where he wanted to go.  After passing through the home multiple times he came across something he didn’t feel the first few times.  It was the knob to a door.  Now feeling a knob to a door in a home isn’t unusual nor was this the first knob he felt, but this one felt different than all of the others.  This knob wasn’t round like all of the others, it was pointed in a triangular shape, and oddly cold.  He could somehow tell the knob was black.  Booker didn’t know he he knew it, but he could just feel it as if the color was shouting out at him.  As he was about to turn the knob, his parents stopped him, and told him to never open it.  Booker felt this was strange, especially the way his parents said this to him.  Their voices sounded monotone and didn’t match the way they would usually speak.  After his parents took him away from the door, Booker figured he could just wait until he parents left him alone or went somewhere in order to open the door.  His parents would be willing to leave him alone because they thought Booker might be too scared to move around in this unknown territory.  Unfortunately they thought wrong.

As the day went on, Booker became more and more impatient with wanting his parents to leave.  That was until Booker heard the magical words, “Your father and I are going out”.  They asked Booker if he wanted to come but he declined.  They trusted him because they thought he might be too scared to the move around in the new home.  Now before you think this is a horrible thing for them to do, it’s hard to take care of a child with an illness.  Sometimes you might just let things happen.  And it’s this type of thing that parents come to regret later.

After his parents went out the door and when Booker heard the car start up and drive away, Booker immediately put his hand to the wall and followed it to the door.  He felt the knob and turned it with his heart racing.  The door opened.

Booker felt a gust of wind.  It was cold and Booker started to walk.  He didn’t bring his cane and didn’t feel for any support.  He was usually so careful.  Where he walked seemed to feel like a new world.  He kept walking but misstepped as the ground below him deepened suddenly.  Feeling the wind through his hair, Booker kept walking.  He heard noises but he did not pay attention to them.  He was usually so careful.  After walking for some more time with the wind calming down to nonexistence, Booker felt his foot knock against something.  He felt around where his foot touched the object and realized it was a step.  After he felt some more he felt it was a staircase.  Booker never climbed a staircase in his life, he was always too scared to.  He always lived in a single-story home so he never had the chance to conquer his fear.  But something in Booker compelled him to go up the stairs like a voice calling to him, a voice he felt like he heard a long time ago.  Booker tried to feel if there was any poles on the side for support, but there weren’t any.  It had then just hit Booker how strange the situation was, but something compelled him to go up those stairs.  So, he went on all fours and went up a step at a time.  Slowly he went up the staircase, but when he thought it ended it just kept going higher and higher.  The higher he went, Booker felt something rise in his chest and spread throughout his body, a sort of weightlessness.  But he ignored the feeling and kept going higher.  Something in him told him he would never see his parents again.  That where he was going, he was going to stay.  He climbed and he climbed.  Higher he went and higher he went.  And finally, the steps stopped going.  Booker went on to the flat piece of land, and he walked.  He walked until he came to what felt like a large metal gate.  As he opened it he heard a large, and sweet sounding “Welcome” from what felt far off but close at the same time.  Booker then walked inside feeling like even though he was far away from his house, that he was right at home.

“We All Have Powers”

Superpowers.  It’s something everyone wants, but doesn’t think they have.  When you ask someone what superpowers they would like to have they might say something like invisibility, or the ability to fly.  But what people don’t seem to realize is that we all have powers, it just depends on how you look at things.  People might say they would want mind control, but they already have it.  You have the ability to send vibrating air, sound, into a person’s head and make them smile, cry, or even laugh.  

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You can change a person’s mood for better or for worse.  You can change the way that person thinks, and the way they view the world.  If that’s not mind control, it’s pretty close.  People also don’t realize we are so intellectually advanced, and complex that compared to other animals we’re like aliens.  Your brain is one of the most complex things in the entire universe.  According to Psychology Today,

“The adult human male brain has 86 billion neurons–more than any other primate. Each neuron has between 1,000 to 10,000 synapses that result in 125 trillion synapses in the cerebral cortex alone. That is at least 1,000 times the number of stars in our galaxy.”

That is absolutely insane!  We have the ability to imagine things and bring them to life from our engineering and building.  We have the ability to destroy with our nuclear bombs and weaponry.  We have the ability to define what it means to be human and have philosophy and consciousness.  No animal can do this to the extent that we can. You just have to realize what you are capable of.  We all have the ability to make a difference, change people’s lives, and do so many wonderful things.  We all have powers, but you just don’t know it.

Animals that make me want to roll on the floor and cry,

Geese

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You may think that this is a goose.  The picture above makes it looks like geese are cute and loveable like many other animals.  But that would be incorrect.

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Credit to reddit.com for this picture

This is a real goose.  These vicious monstrosities of nature will attack you without warning and try to steal bread off of you.  Geese are the spawns of Satan and can smell fear through the gaping holes they have for nostrils.  If they smell the fear on you, or if you so much as look at them wrong, they will attack you, your wife, your kids, and your whole extended family.

Wasps

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I honestly shouldn’t even have to explain this one.  Bees might sting you too but they die when they do, they sacrifice themselves to go against you.  It’s like David vs. Goliath, it’s admirable.  Bees also help with pollination and keep everything good.  Wasps on the other hand don’t do very much.  All these little jerks do is target you like a missile and stab you with their rear end, and they can do this over and over again with no penalties to them.  Jerks.

Hippopotamus

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Hippopotamus’ are huge, weighing in between 1.5 to 3 tons!  And also according to the site I’ve linked to, they travel in packs with up to 30 members.  So imagine, hypothetically, you’re just strolling around in Africa, minding your own business, and you come across 30 3 ton beasts.  You have officially messed up.  They usually kill about 300 humans a year, and you just became 301.  I almost can’t even joke about how crazy these guys are.  

Spiders

I can’t even put up a picture of these cringe inducing, long legged things.  Even just thinking about the name makes me gag.  Everytime I see a spider a chill runs down my spine, and my head turns away so fast, I get whiplash.  But the worst is when these terrorizers get in your shower, when you’re vulnerable.  Nothing can protect you now, you just have to hug against the opposite wall it’s on and hope it will go away.

What Makes People Happy?

Happiness.  What makes people happy?  Usually when you ask someone what makes them happy, they would say a nice car, or a big house.  Other people might say something else like traveling, hanging out with their friends, or just in general, experiences.  By experiences, I mean doing and experiencing an event or action.  So let’s compare the two.

First we’ll start out with money. In a study by Time Magazine, it points out that there are two types of happiness that involve money.  One type is how you feel generally day-to-day.  The other type is reflecting on how well your life is going as a whole.  The article mainly points out that the amount of money to cap out your day-to-day happiness is around $75,000.  Unfortunately though, they do not give a specific reason why day-to-day happiness caps out at this amount.  But what they do tell us, is that past $75,000, your daily living won’t get too much better.  Instead, the more you make past $75,000 makes you happier with the way your life is going so far in a broader sense, and as a whole.  Later on in the article also points out,

Researchers found that lower income did not cause sadness itself but made people feel more ground down by the problems they already had.”

So money is important, but just not as much for material possessions as others might think.

This image is from Kelly Blair for the Time Magazine article I linked to above

On the other side of the conversation, we have people that say you don’t need a lot of money to make you happy.  But rather, it’s the journeys and experiences you have in your life.  And this makes sense because, when you look back on past memories and the happiest time of your life, you don’t think about the television or computer you had.  You remember the vacation you went on with your family, or when you would hang out with your best friends.  There are also plenty of stories of people who have lived their lives to the fullest with little money.  My brother told me a story about a man he met on his vacation that lived for scuba diving.  This man would move every two years to a different location and would do nothing but teach and do scuba diving, and he absolutely loved it.  Now this man didn’t have very much money, but he was still fully enjoying his life.

In the end I think we really need both money and experiences to make us happy, it’s hard to be happy without one or the other.  If you don’t have any money, your problems are heavier on you, but if you have money, you might be diving into empty, worthless material things that you think will make you happy.

Just Be Kind

Yesterday, I read something that truly had an impact on me.  I know this is going to be a really sad story for my first post, but I need to get this off my chest.  It felt like taking a punch to the gut, something that will make you think, something that might not leave you dry-eyed.  A quick reminder is that what I read was a post from the internet, so it may be fake, or it may be real.  But whatever, it is doesn’t matter, it doesn’t make me feel any different.  For those of you who want to read the story you can find it here For those who do not have the time to read it, as it is quite long, the post is a guy’s outside perspective about a girl who was bullied since she was a little kid.   Continue reading “Just Be Kind”